Had my first weigh in today since Brent talked some sense into me last week. Down 6 pounds!!! Check out my little runner girl at the bottom of the page! She is moving!!
I get to take some post-its down off my wall too! Did you forget about those? I didn’t. I see them every day. This plan works! I just need to work the plan. The only thing I have really done differently is cut out any extra sugary snacks like the occasional cookie, and I cut back on cheese. Besides that, Im pretty much doing everything the same. Eating a little bit more too! Oh, and a bag of frozen broccoli every night with dinner.
I love riding the weight loss high; it gives me the energy and strength I need to move on.
Today was my Tuesday morning workout with Brent. There was no yakking of any type today. We did some treadmill work, not too fast. Walking lunges, squats with weights, rows, a little bit of boxing and my new favorite, assisted pull ups. That was tough. The first 5 or so, I was like ok this is good, I got this. Then it got hard. Really hard. I struggled to finish the last few of the 15 reps. After some lunges, I did it again. I think I was shaking harder from the pull-ups then I was from the jogging last week. The last 5 were so hard. When I got to 15 Brent said do just 1 more! So I did. Then he said Now just 1 more!! Ugh! He thinks he is funny like that! But I did it. And that’s why I love him, he is always pushing me to do my best and try my hardest.
I just decided while sitting here looking at my shoes, when I get to 20lbs lost, I’m going to buy myself a new pair of gym shoes. That could very well be next week!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Day 3 - Heave
Today was my third one on one workout with Brent, bright and early at 6:30 this morning. It was going pretty well, it was tough, but not terrible. The worst part about him is that he doesn't give you much rest in between exercises. Im lucky to get a whole minute sometimes. Im sure this is part of the method to his madness, but damn, sometimes a girl needs to breathe!
On the last circuit I had to do the treadmill at a 7.5 incline, 3.5 speed for a minute and a half, then a minute of squats with weights, then a minute of rows. Then a minute rest and right back the the treadmill.
I was still out of breath from the first round and I had to get back on. This time he decided to go for 4.5 speed. Im only 5'4, I have little legs, and they dont go very fast. 4.5 is a lot for me, even in that very short amount of time. By the last 30 seconds, I was pretty much crying. When I finally made it and got off, I just needed a second to breath. Too late, exercise overload and I started to cough. Luckily I dont like to eat in the morning, but Brent makes me get up early and have a protein shake so I have something in me.
While Brent tried to get me to move on to the next exercise, I was freaking out. Its kind of a blur now. I remember saying I just need a minute, crying kind of, then I'm hoovering over the garbage can. Horking up nothing thankfully, but heaving still the same.
I caught my breath, collected myself, and finished the last 2 exercises. Brent was beaming! Not like he likes to see anyone throw up, but its good to be pushed outside your comfort zone, its good to let your body know change is coming, and its good to suck it up and keep going!
He even called me at my desk an hour later just to say how proud he was of me, and that I did a great job. It was a terrible 3 minutes of my life, but I was just fine the rest of the day. I hate knowing that more days like this or come, but its not his fault I'm out of shape.
Puke happens, I'll survive.
On the last circuit I had to do the treadmill at a 7.5 incline, 3.5 speed for a minute and a half, then a minute of squats with weights, then a minute of rows. Then a minute rest and right back the the treadmill.
I was still out of breath from the first round and I had to get back on. This time he decided to go for 4.5 speed. Im only 5'4, I have little legs, and they dont go very fast. 4.5 is a lot for me, even in that very short amount of time. By the last 30 seconds, I was pretty much crying. When I finally made it and got off, I just needed a second to breath. Too late, exercise overload and I started to cough. Luckily I dont like to eat in the morning, but Brent makes me get up early and have a protein shake so I have something in me.
While Brent tried to get me to move on to the next exercise, I was freaking out. Its kind of a blur now. I remember saying I just need a minute, crying kind of, then I'm hoovering over the garbage can. Horking up nothing thankfully, but heaving still the same.
I caught my breath, collected myself, and finished the last 2 exercises. Brent was beaming! Not like he likes to see anyone throw up, but its good to be pushed outside your comfort zone, its good to let your body know change is coming, and its good to suck it up and keep going!
He even called me at my desk an hour later just to say how proud he was of me, and that I did a great job. It was a terrible 3 minutes of my life, but I was just fine the rest of the day. I hate knowing that more days like this or come, but its not his fault I'm out of shape.
Puke happens, I'll survive.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Day 2 - One Goal
Today is the day I became a college graduate!!! This has been the longest road of my life. I was a high school dropout, living in the gutter. Fast forward 10 years later, I'm a bachelor degree holding, home owning, successful woman.
Nobody helped me get here. Sure, everyone wanted me to go to school, but no one helped me. No one took interest, no one took any time to visit an orientation with me, or help plan a schedule. No one cooked a meal, helped with homework, woke me up after a late night. I did this. I made this happen. I sacrificed for my greater good. My money, my time, my blood sweat and tears. I own this degree 100 percent.
Now that its all said and done, I only have one thing on my to do list...
Lose this mother freaking weight.
I have time now, lots of it! Time to plan, time to exercise, time to rest.
I don't care if it takes me 5 years, I will do this, and I will own this. I will live the life I deserve because I struggled like hell to get here, you have no idea. The only thing stopping me is me, and its time to start kicking my own ass. I thought I became a new person when I turned 30 earlier this year, and started all this stuff, but I have just been reborn right now. You just witnessed it. I will succeed. I will own it. I will make it. I will do this.
One Goal.
Nobody helped me get here. Sure, everyone wanted me to go to school, but no one helped me. No one took interest, no one took any time to visit an orientation with me, or help plan a schedule. No one cooked a meal, helped with homework, woke me up after a late night. I did this. I made this happen. I sacrificed for my greater good. My money, my time, my blood sweat and tears. I own this degree 100 percent.
Now that its all said and done, I only have one thing on my to do list...
Lose this mother freaking weight.
I have time now, lots of it! Time to plan, time to exercise, time to rest.
I don't care if it takes me 5 years, I will do this, and I will own this. I will live the life I deserve because I struggled like hell to get here, you have no idea. The only thing stopping me is me, and its time to start kicking my own ass. I thought I became a new person when I turned 30 earlier this year, and started all this stuff, but I have just been reborn right now. You just witnessed it. I will succeed. I will own it. I will make it. I will do this.
One Goal.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Day 1
Where have I been? I don't know. Wandering around in a strange strange place.
My intention was to come here and post the new plans Brent gave me last week. But obviously, I never did. I havent been able to get my mind back where it needs to be. Ive just been floating through life the past 2 weeks, doing nothing, eating crap, existing. Not living.
It blew up in my face yesterday when Brent found me eating something I wasnt supposed to be. After he spent his own time putting together a new workout schedule and menu plan. He wasn't very pleased. He was pretty angry. A lot more angry then he let me know. I had to find out from other people that he was on the rampage last night. Luckily he cooled down, and was nice to me this morning. He asked if I want to do this or not, and of course I do. But then why am I not doing the things Im supposed to be doing? I dont know. If I did, I wouldn't weight 357 lbs.
I dont know why I eat crap. I dont know why I am a lazy piece of shit who lays around for days on end. I dont know.
Brent has been nothing but good to me all this time. Investing his own time and money to help me. To save me. The things I need to do are really pretty simple on paper. Getting my brain to cooperate is something different.
If I want to do this, I have to start doing this. All the way. 100 percent. For the most part, I do that. But there are a lot of times when I don't. A cookie here, extra snack there. It adds up apparently.
I was pretty sad this morning. My feelings are hurt that his feelings are hurt.
I called today Day 1, because that is what I'm making it. A new beginning in time. Yesterday does not matter. I need to make the most of today.
My intention was to come here and post the new plans Brent gave me last week. But obviously, I never did. I havent been able to get my mind back where it needs to be. Ive just been floating through life the past 2 weeks, doing nothing, eating crap, existing. Not living.
It blew up in my face yesterday when Brent found me eating something I wasnt supposed to be. After he spent his own time putting together a new workout schedule and menu plan. He wasn't very pleased. He was pretty angry. A lot more angry then he let me know. I had to find out from other people that he was on the rampage last night. Luckily he cooled down, and was nice to me this morning. He asked if I want to do this or not, and of course I do. But then why am I not doing the things Im supposed to be doing? I dont know. If I did, I wouldn't weight 357 lbs.
I dont know why I eat crap. I dont know why I am a lazy piece of shit who lays around for days on end. I dont know.
Brent has been nothing but good to me all this time. Investing his own time and money to help me. To save me. The things I need to do are really pretty simple on paper. Getting my brain to cooperate is something different.
If I want to do this, I have to start doing this. All the way. 100 percent. For the most part, I do that. But there are a lot of times when I don't. A cookie here, extra snack there. It adds up apparently.
I was pretty sad this morning. My feelings are hurt that his feelings are hurt.
I called today Day 1, because that is what I'm making it. A new beginning in time. Yesterday does not matter. I need to make the most of today.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Day Fifty One - Another plan
Well, I talked with Brent today about his plan. He wants to create a 12 or 16 week plan with variable exercise intensities and calorie intakes to keep my body guessing, as it obviously hates me. I'm going to start working out with him one on one 2 days a week, attend Boot Camp class one day a week and continue doing cardio daily. I cant say for sure what is plan will entail because who knows what he will actually come up with when he sits down to do it. He is still adament that I can lose 85lbs before the end of the year. I told him I know I can put in the work that needs to be done, but will my body return the favor?
I'm game for anything. I think through all this I have been a trooper. Ill try anything, nothing had been off limits. If you told me 6 months ago I would be working out 3x a day, gaining weight, and still plugging along, I probably would have slapped the words right out of your mouth. But I have nothing to lose here. Nothing to lose but half my body weight. Once school is finally over in 3 weeks, I really will have nothing but time on my hands.
So he wants to start this next week. That is if he actually gets the plan together and has something ready. I told him no more pushing things off, dont forget about me this week.
He also wants me to do some videos, which I think is a good idea. I will add it to the blog, one day a week will be a video, maybe a weekly recap. I think it will be pretty funny. I can get a little passionate writing stuff here, hearing it come out of my mouth will be even better.
And, we will be able to look back and see how I have changed.
I did not exercise today. Not sure if Brent noticed or not. Ill know for sure tomorrow when I show up for class. It was a nice change to not have to come home and get straight into the shower to wash the lunchtime film off.
More details as I get them, I hope he doesnt drag getting this all together.
I'm game for anything. I think through all this I have been a trooper. Ill try anything, nothing had been off limits. If you told me 6 months ago I would be working out 3x a day, gaining weight, and still plugging along, I probably would have slapped the words right out of your mouth. But I have nothing to lose here. Nothing to lose but half my body weight. Once school is finally over in 3 weeks, I really will have nothing but time on my hands.
So he wants to start this next week. That is if he actually gets the plan together and has something ready. I told him no more pushing things off, dont forget about me this week.
He also wants me to do some videos, which I think is a good idea. I will add it to the blog, one day a week will be a video, maybe a weekly recap. I think it will be pretty funny. I can get a little passionate writing stuff here, hearing it come out of my mouth will be even better.
And, we will be able to look back and see how I have changed.
I did not exercise today. Not sure if Brent noticed or not. Ill know for sure tomorrow when I show up for class. It was a nice change to not have to come home and get straight into the shower to wash the lunchtime film off.
More details as I get them, I hope he doesnt drag getting this all together.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Day 50 - My turn
Math time! Over 5 days I burned 9753 calories per my heart rate monitor, add in my BMR (what I burn just living and breathing) of 2500 per day, MFP gives me 2900, I’m going a little lower.
Subtract out calories eaten and I get a 12250 calorie deficit. Now if it takes a deficit of 3500 calories to lose a pound, I should have lost 3.5 lbs.
How much did I lose? 0
How much did I gain? 3 lbs.
I declare 3-a-days over.
I sent an email to Brent laying it out for him, since he never listens when I talk. Its not like I’ve never lost weight before in my life, I know it’s possible. I lost 65 pounds before, and had a loss every single week for an entire year, never once gained. And NEVER exercised as much as I have been now. I just want to go back to that. I want to count my calories, exercise 2-4 times a week, when I feel like it. At my weight the nutrition should do the work for me.
Brent read my email, said he had an idea, but didn’t have time to talk about it until tomorrow. Big surprise there. I’m not bringing my exercise clothes to work tomorrow. I’m just not doing it. I will go to Boot Camp class on Monday and Wednesday and I will exercise on the weekend on my own. This everyday crap is over. If he can’t get that by now, then it’s really over.
I know its day 50 here on the blog, but that is since he started with his 85lb goal. I have been exercising every single day with him for just about 3 months now, since May 9th. I have missed only a handful of days due to work or injury. I have lost 12 lbs in that time. Uncool.
I did everything he asked for 11 weeks, its my turn now. I got this.
Subtract out calories eaten and I get a 12250 calorie deficit. Now if it takes a deficit of 3500 calories to lose a pound, I should have lost 3.5 lbs.
How much did I lose? 0
How much did I gain? 3 lbs.
I declare 3-a-days over.
I sent an email to Brent laying it out for him, since he never listens when I talk. Its not like I’ve never lost weight before in my life, I know it’s possible. I lost 65 pounds before, and had a loss every single week for an entire year, never once gained. And NEVER exercised as much as I have been now. I just want to go back to that. I want to count my calories, exercise 2-4 times a week, when I feel like it. At my weight the nutrition should do the work for me.
Brent read my email, said he had an idea, but didn’t have time to talk about it until tomorrow. Big surprise there. I’m not bringing my exercise clothes to work tomorrow. I’m just not doing it. I will go to Boot Camp class on Monday and Wednesday and I will exercise on the weekend on my own. This everyday crap is over. If he can’t get that by now, then it’s really over.
I know its day 50 here on the blog, but that is since he started with his 85lb goal. I have been exercising every single day with him for just about 3 months now, since May 9th. I have missed only a handful of days due to work or injury. I have lost 12 lbs in that time. Uncool.
I did everything he asked for 11 weeks, its my turn now. I got this.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Day Forty Eight - 4/14
I've never been so happy for the weekend in my entire life. As part of Brent's plan I only have to exercise twice on Saturday and Sunday is my 'rest' day with only one workout! Yay!
I wanted to post last night about my day yesterday, I laid on the couch for just a minute and was out. I tried so hard to get up this morning for 8 AM Jazzercise. I set my alarm for 7. I got up at 6 to go to the bathroom and turned the radio on so I wouldn't fall back into a hard sleep. The alarm went off at 7, and I just couldn't move. I just needed a few more minutes. Then it was 8:00. That's ok, Ill make it to 9:30 Jazzercise, just a few more minutes. Then it was 9:30. I had to drag my ass out of bed. My body is angry. Heavy like a rock, slow and tired. When I finally make it to the living room I discover a crew up of men sawing down and digging up trees with bobcats right out side in my yard. I slept through all that.
Now that it was 10:00 and I missed my opportunity for 'easy' exercise, I hemmed and hawed about getting on the elliptical. I got dressed, put my shoes on then sat there. Took my shoes off, sat there some more. I could not make my ass move! Finally somewhere close to 11, I got on and got moving. Got my hour in, then headed to the pool. Got some sun and some extra calories of swimming in. Came home, took a quick nap and got my second work out in.
I feel like all I do is sweat and shower. This exercise is consuming my life! My house is a disaster of dishes and exercise clothes. Socks, tank tops and sweatpants cover the floor as far as the eye can see. I'm glad there is only one workout tomorrow. I will get up, get it done, then get a handle on the house and laundry. I cant wait for Monday to show Brent what is going on with the scale so he can get off this more is better crap. Its not. But I will do anything to prove a point. Even if I lose nothing, I still think I'm pretty awesome for proving to myself that I can do anything if I try.
I wanted to post last night about my day yesterday, I laid on the couch for just a minute and was out. I tried so hard to get up this morning for 8 AM Jazzercise. I set my alarm for 7. I got up at 6 to go to the bathroom and turned the radio on so I wouldn't fall back into a hard sleep. The alarm went off at 7, and I just couldn't move. I just needed a few more minutes. Then it was 8:00. That's ok, Ill make it to 9:30 Jazzercise, just a few more minutes. Then it was 9:30. I had to drag my ass out of bed. My body is angry. Heavy like a rock, slow and tired. When I finally make it to the living room I discover a crew up of men sawing down and digging up trees with bobcats right out side in my yard. I slept through all that.
Now that it was 10:00 and I missed my opportunity for 'easy' exercise, I hemmed and hawed about getting on the elliptical. I got dressed, put my shoes on then sat there. Took my shoes off, sat there some more. I could not make my ass move! Finally somewhere close to 11, I got on and got moving. Got my hour in, then headed to the pool. Got some sun and some extra calories of swimming in. Came home, took a quick nap and got my second work out in.
I feel like all I do is sweat and shower. This exercise is consuming my life! My house is a disaster of dishes and exercise clothes. Socks, tank tops and sweatpants cover the floor as far as the eye can see. I'm glad there is only one workout tomorrow. I will get up, get it done, then get a handle on the house and laundry. I cant wait for Monday to show Brent what is going on with the scale so he can get off this more is better crap. Its not. But I will do anything to prove a point. Even if I lose nothing, I still think I'm pretty awesome for proving to myself that I can do anything if I try.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Day Forty Six - 2/14 & a Fat Rant
I'm going to take a moment here and go on a fat rant. Unless you are overweight, you have no idea what its like. Just like a man doesn't know what its like to be a woman, a white person doesn't know what its like to be black, you can not for one minute pretend to know what its like to be fat.
Sometimes you see on weight loss shows people put on weighted suits and walk around for a bit to see what its like. Really think about that for a minute. Ever carry a bucket of kitty litter around, carry a tv up a set of stairs. Think about that. Think about 5 buckets of kitty litter attached to you, and then walk up the stairs. And then go grocery shopping. And then get on the treadmill. Unless you have been there, you will never feel that struggle. Of course my body has adapted to it somewhat. But that doesn't mean I move with grace like someone 150 lbs less than me.
Not all fat people want to be fat. Just because someone is fat does not mean they are not working on it. Don't be so quick to judge. Maybe I walk slow, did you know I was up at 5 AM burning 1000 calories while you were sleeping? Maybe I took the elevator down from the second floor at the end of the day. Did you know I was on my way to workout number 3 and I thought my knees were going to burst?
Just because we're fat, doesn't mean were lazy. Just because I appear the same to you today, doesn't mean I am not busting my ass every chance I get.
Just because you kept your weight in check over the years, don't look down upon me for losing control.
Most people probably don't want to be fat, but they don't know where to being. How do you feel with 20 items looming over you on your to-do list? How would you feel if it was 180 items?
Moral of the story: Don't assume you know what a person is or isn't doing, is or isn't capable of, can or can not give more. Don't tell me I don't work hard, when you have never been there to witness one drop of sweat come off my face.
When you see a fat person walk by you, don't assume they are not just like you. Because I can guarantee you one thing, that person that thinks all those things above, couldn't make it 3 feet walking in my shoes, forget the mile.
In other news, I made it through day 2 of my 3-a-day workouts! It was tough getting moving this morning. Wenesday I got up at 5:15, was on the ellptical by 5:25. Today I got up at 5:00, was still wandering around at 5:25. I got it done though. By the time workout #2 came around I was ready to go! Workout #3 done, and Im showered and ready for bed. I will sleep like a rock tonight.
I was a little discouraged this morning, I told Brent that if I did not lose weight by Monday I was stopping. He said just worry about Monday when it gets here. Im good with that now. Once I got going, I was ok. The beginning of the day seems so tough when I think about all I have to do. But now here at the end of the day, Im ready to get up and do it all again. The workouts are extreme, the calorie burns are crazy, but I never ever feel better then when I am moving my body. I amaze myself, and that keeps me coming back for more.
Sometimes you see on weight loss shows people put on weighted suits and walk around for a bit to see what its like. Really think about that for a minute. Ever carry a bucket of kitty litter around, carry a tv up a set of stairs. Think about that. Think about 5 buckets of kitty litter attached to you, and then walk up the stairs. And then go grocery shopping. And then get on the treadmill. Unless you have been there, you will never feel that struggle. Of course my body has adapted to it somewhat. But that doesn't mean I move with grace like someone 150 lbs less than me.
Not all fat people want to be fat. Just because someone is fat does not mean they are not working on it. Don't be so quick to judge. Maybe I walk slow, did you know I was up at 5 AM burning 1000 calories while you were sleeping? Maybe I took the elevator down from the second floor at the end of the day. Did you know I was on my way to workout number 3 and I thought my knees were going to burst?
Just because we're fat, doesn't mean were lazy. Just because I appear the same to you today, doesn't mean I am not busting my ass every chance I get.
Just because you kept your weight in check over the years, don't look down upon me for losing control.
Most people probably don't want to be fat, but they don't know where to being. How do you feel with 20 items looming over you on your to-do list? How would you feel if it was 180 items?
Moral of the story: Don't assume you know what a person is or isn't doing, is or isn't capable of, can or can not give more. Don't tell me I don't work hard, when you have never been there to witness one drop of sweat come off my face.
When you see a fat person walk by you, don't assume they are not just like you. Because I can guarantee you one thing, that person that thinks all those things above, couldn't make it 3 feet walking in my shoes, forget the mile.
In other news, I made it through day 2 of my 3-a-day workouts! It was tough getting moving this morning. Wenesday I got up at 5:15, was on the ellptical by 5:25. Today I got up at 5:00, was still wandering around at 5:25. I got it done though. By the time workout #2 came around I was ready to go! Workout #3 done, and Im showered and ready for bed. I will sleep like a rock tonight.
I was a little discouraged this morning, I told Brent that if I did not lose weight by Monday I was stopping. He said just worry about Monday when it gets here. Im good with that now. Once I got going, I was ok. The beginning of the day seems so tough when I think about all I have to do. But now here at the end of the day, Im ready to get up and do it all again. The workouts are extreme, the calorie burns are crazy, but I never ever feel better then when I am moving my body. I amaze myself, and that keeps me coming back for more.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Day Forty Five - 1/14
Well, I did it. I’m still not sure how I did it but I did. Got up at 5:15 this morning, got on the Elliptical for 60 minutes. Got in 60 minutes of class with Brent at 11. Then finished up the day with 60 minutes on the treadmill at 4.
That 60 minutes really hurts my brain. For some reason I am mentally ok with 40-45 minutes, that extra 15 minutes just kills me! The longest program on my elliptical is 45 minutes. I SO wanted to get off. But 60 means 60, so I carried on. I was ok with the second work out. But I sat here at my desk and wallowed for about 2 hours before the third workout. My legs hurt, Im tired, all kinds of crap. But I went.
The real question is how am I going to get up and do it all again tomorrow?
Now I get to go to school, and try to stay awake through 3 hours of boredom. 5 AM will be here before I know it!
1 day down, 180 minutes, 2953 calories burned.
13 more to go
That 60 minutes really hurts my brain. For some reason I am mentally ok with 40-45 minutes, that extra 15 minutes just kills me! The longest program on my elliptical is 45 minutes. I SO wanted to get off. But 60 means 60, so I carried on. I was ok with the second work out. But I sat here at my desk and wallowed for about 2 hours before the third workout. My legs hurt, Im tired, all kinds of crap. But I went.
The real question is how am I going to get up and do it all again tomorrow?
Now I get to go to school, and try to stay awake through 3 hours of boredom. 5 AM will be here before I know it!
1 day down, 180 minutes, 2953 calories burned.
13 more to go
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Day Fourty Four - 3
Ok, Im going to need you to sit down, take a deep breath and brace yourself for what you are about to read.
I had my meeting with Brent today. I printed out the entire month of July from MFP so he could see my nutrition. He liked it. He also was ok with what I have been doing lately with increased calories and more good carbs. The only carby things I have added are fruit and oatmeal. Im averaging about 1900 calories a day, he would like it more around 1500-1600, but he is good with anything 1500-2000. Im not worried about lowering them right now as it seems to be working.
Ok, now here is where it gets crazy. He wants me to exercise 3 times a day for the next 14 days. Morning, afternoon and afterwork. Every day. Yeah.
I, dont think it will work. I was telling him about how when I was doing the 2-a-days it seemed like the more I worked the less I lost. He didnt really seem to care about that.
So, Im going to do it. Because #1 That is just what I do, and #2 I am either going to prove to him that my body doesnt work that way or drop some weight. Cant really lose anything besides my sanity.
I guess I am going to start tomorrow. I wanted to start Monday, he was like why wait? Sigh.
Im still trying to wrap my head around it all, what Im going to do, how Im going to do it, how Im going to drag my ass out of bed in the morning. Tomorrow is a school night too. I guess I can walk before I go. If I start tomorrow, day 10 will be next Friday, that's when he wants to weigh me. I'll do this for 14 days, but I don't see any way how I can keep this up long term. This will be a good test to find out how my body works. My nutrition has to be 100% to get real results.
Call me crazy, but I'm about to do 3-a-days.
I had my meeting with Brent today. I printed out the entire month of July from MFP so he could see my nutrition. He liked it. He also was ok with what I have been doing lately with increased calories and more good carbs. The only carby things I have added are fruit and oatmeal. Im averaging about 1900 calories a day, he would like it more around 1500-1600, but he is good with anything 1500-2000. Im not worried about lowering them right now as it seems to be working.
Ok, now here is where it gets crazy. He wants me to exercise 3 times a day for the next 14 days. Morning, afternoon and afterwork. Every day. Yeah.
I, dont think it will work. I was telling him about how when I was doing the 2-a-days it seemed like the more I worked the less I lost. He didnt really seem to care about that.
So, Im going to do it. Because #1 That is just what I do, and #2 I am either going to prove to him that my body doesnt work that way or drop some weight. Cant really lose anything besides my sanity.
I guess I am going to start tomorrow. I wanted to start Monday, he was like why wait? Sigh.
Im still trying to wrap my head around it all, what Im going to do, how Im going to do it, how Im going to drag my ass out of bed in the morning. Tomorrow is a school night too. I guess I can walk before I go. If I start tomorrow, day 10 will be next Friday, that's when he wants to weigh me. I'll do this for 14 days, but I don't see any way how I can keep this up long term. This will be a good test to find out how my body works. My nutrition has to be 100% to get real results.
Call me crazy, but I'm about to do 3-a-days.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Day Forty - I Can
Its 10:30 pm, I got out of bed to write this post. That in itself says a lot.
Day 40. I've been waiting a while for this day to come. I don't know why, it seems like some sort of milestone number for some reason. I've been thinking for a few days of what I would say when this day came. How I haven't lost what I wanted to. How this blog isn't turning out as I intended it to be. How this is way more struggle, than journey. Seriously, I did not invite you all to watch me flounder.
But I've also been reminded by some really great people, who get to hear me bitch about the scale every damn day, how much I have done, even if the numbers don't show.
I got on my scale this morning. I was down .4 lbs. Yeah. Somehow this led to not working out with Brent today. I'm sure he will forget by Monday. I was angry, again. I was disappointed, again. But here I am at 10:34 and I'm over it. I'm just not going to let a metal piece of junk dictate my progress. I'm not weighing anymore for a while. Maybe just on the first of each month.
So I got up out of bed to tell you that I cant lose 20 pounds to save my life, but here is what I can do:
Walk on the treadmill at a 9 incline for an hour without dying
I can squat, plank, row, snatch, clean and press, no that's not ironing, I don't even own one.
I can keep up with people half my weight.
I can make new friends because people seem to gravitate to me when they see I can keep up with people half my weight.
I can choose salad and shit over a dinner at Maggianos.
I can cry, I can complain, sometimes even swear.
I can fill a t shirt with sweat and tears.
I can stay on an elliptical until I burn 1000 calories.
And I can still keep going after that.
I can inspire, I can motivate, I can set an example.
I can be so sore that people are telling me I'm walking funny, but I still show up at the gym.
I can run if you make me. Even if you tie me down with a giant rubber band, I'll still get pretty far. Yeah, he did that to me.
I can do hard. Sometimes.
And I can get up and do it all again the next day.
You might know me personally, or you may have just stumbled across this mess, but this is Day 40 and you know that I can.
Day 40. I've been waiting a while for this day to come. I don't know why, it seems like some sort of milestone number for some reason. I've been thinking for a few days of what I would say when this day came. How I haven't lost what I wanted to. How this blog isn't turning out as I intended it to be. How this is way more struggle, than journey. Seriously, I did not invite you all to watch me flounder.
But I've also been reminded by some really great people, who get to hear me bitch about the scale every damn day, how much I have done, even if the numbers don't show.
I got on my scale this morning. I was down .4 lbs. Yeah. Somehow this led to not working out with Brent today. I'm sure he will forget by Monday. I was angry, again. I was disappointed, again. But here I am at 10:34 and I'm over it. I'm just not going to let a metal piece of junk dictate my progress. I'm not weighing anymore for a while. Maybe just on the first of each month.
So I got up out of bed to tell you that I cant lose 20 pounds to save my life, but here is what I can do:
Walk on the treadmill at a 9 incline for an hour without dying
I can squat, plank, row, snatch, clean and press, no that's not ironing, I don't even own one.
I can keep up with people half my weight.
I can make new friends because people seem to gravitate to me when they see I can keep up with people half my weight.
I can choose salad and shit over a dinner at Maggianos.
I can cry, I can complain, sometimes even swear.
I can fill a t shirt with sweat and tears.
I can stay on an elliptical until I burn 1000 calories.
And I can still keep going after that.
I can inspire, I can motivate, I can set an example.
I can be so sore that people are telling me I'm walking funny, but I still show up at the gym.
I can run if you make me. Even if you tie me down with a giant rubber band, I'll still get pretty far. Yeah, he did that to me.
I can do hard. Sometimes.
And I can get up and do it all again the next day.
You might know me personally, or you may have just stumbled across this mess, but this is Day 40 and you know that I can.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Day Thirty Nine
Its been a very busy week. I’m still here, moving right along. Still going to exercise, still dying on the treadmill on a 9 incline. I have switched up my calories this week, and cant wait to see tomorrow if it is working or not. I have not been on my scale at all! I did take a quick look at Brent’s scale the other day, just too see, and it wasn’t bad. I hope tomorrow’s official weigh in goes well.
This week has been a little tough food wise. I find myself eating too much at night time. I need to be able to mentally close the kitchen after dinner, and stay out! I hope next week is better. Then I will have a true weigh in next Friday if I can stay exactly within my plan all week.
I’m feeling better than I was in the beginning of the week. I hope the scale doesn’t ruin that for me tomorrow. Damn that thing for ruling my life.
Oh, and Brent is finally going to meet with my next Tuesday to figure out a new plan of attack. We will see what he comes up with. I might just carry on doing my own thing if he comes with something crazy.
This week has been a little tough food wise. I find myself eating too much at night time. I need to be able to mentally close the kitchen after dinner, and stay out! I hope next week is better. Then I will have a true weigh in next Friday if I can stay exactly within my plan all week.
I’m feeling better than I was in the beginning of the week. I hope the scale doesn’t ruin that for me tomorrow. Damn that thing for ruling my life.
Oh, and Brent is finally going to meet with my next Tuesday to figure out a new plan of attack. We will see what he comes up with. I might just carry on doing my own thing if he comes with something crazy.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Day Thirty Six
Another Monday, another workout. Wish I could say I feel better about things, but I dont.
I wish I could say a lot of things now, that I lost the 30 lbs I was scheduled to, that things were great.
While my exercise is still solid, I'm finding it harder and harder to make the right food choices. Its so easy to fall back into old habits, especially when you are not feeling too great about yourself. I keep asking myself, what am I supposed to be learning from this? Why is this so much harder than any other time I have tried to lose weight, AND I am trying harder than any other time?
What can I do better? What can I try harder at? How can I move this ship?
Its clear that I am not going to make this great goal Brent set for me by 10/1. That makes me say, why bother? But Ill still bother. Even if I have to half ass it for a few days till my positive attitude comes back.
I wish I could say a lot of things now, that I lost the 30 lbs I was scheduled to, that things were great.
While my exercise is still solid, I'm finding it harder and harder to make the right food choices. Its so easy to fall back into old habits, especially when you are not feeling too great about yourself. I keep asking myself, what am I supposed to be learning from this? Why is this so much harder than any other time I have tried to lose weight, AND I am trying harder than any other time?
What can I do better? What can I try harder at? How can I move this ship?
Its clear that I am not going to make this great goal Brent set for me by 10/1. That makes me say, why bother? But Ill still bother. Even if I have to half ass it for a few days till my positive attitude comes back.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Day Thity Three - Everybody Hurts
Two workouts yesterday, taking its toll on me today. I’m tired. I’m a big mush mess of tired and frustrated and sad.
Today’s workout consisted of 40 minutes of running the stairs. Brent let me do the elliptical instead, I was pleased. Pretty sure I could not have done another day of that treadmill on 9 again.
This song came on, I was all alone. It was ok to cry and I did. A lot.
When your day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don't let yourself go, cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.
Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, hold on, hold on
If you feel like letting go, hold on
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on
Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone
If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on
Well, everybody hurts sometimes, Everybody cries.
Everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody hurts sometimes.
So, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone
Today’s workout consisted of 40 minutes of running the stairs. Brent let me do the elliptical instead, I was pleased. Pretty sure I could not have done another day of that treadmill on 9 again.
This song came on, I was all alone. It was ok to cry and I did. A lot.
When your day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don't let yourself go, cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.
Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, hold on, hold on
If you feel like letting go, hold on
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on
Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone
If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on
Well, everybody hurts sometimes, Everybody cries.
Everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody hurts sometimes.
So, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Day Thirty Two - Undecided
Spent a lovely 40 minutes on the treadmill again at a 9 incline. Today I felt like no matter how slow I went, I couldnt get enough air into my lungs. Usually a few really deep breaths will solve this for more, but it just wasnt working today. It was like the air was thin or something. Weird huh? But you know I kept going and finished strong.
Then sometime after that I got all riled up about exercise. I was thinking if the people on Extreme Makeover are exercising 5 hours a day, I can at least do 2. I can do two-a-days if I really have to, if it will really work. I decided to go straight to Jazzercise from work. Put on my still damp and disgusting sweaty clothes and went.
And then I did some more digging. Is there such thing as too much cardio? They do it all day on Biggest Loser, but who knows what goes on behind the scenes. Mathematically it makes sense to me, the more you burn the bigger your calorie deficit. The bigger the deficit, the more you lose. Somehow that is not exactly working for me. Or is there something I can do better? Can I eat better? Should I eat more? Should I eat less?
I dont know any of these answers. I wish it really was just as simple as calories in and calories out.
I lost weight before, about 65 pounds. Exercising far less, and eating more junk. Maybe it is too much? Pretty sure Brent wont accept that...
I hate having to question myself, I hate that I havent found my groove by now.
Then sometime after that I got all riled up about exercise. I was thinking if the people on Extreme Makeover are exercising 5 hours a day, I can at least do 2. I can do two-a-days if I really have to, if it will really work. I decided to go straight to Jazzercise from work. Put on my still damp and disgusting sweaty clothes and went.
And then I did some more digging. Is there such thing as too much cardio? They do it all day on Biggest Loser, but who knows what goes on behind the scenes. Mathematically it makes sense to me, the more you burn the bigger your calorie deficit. The bigger the deficit, the more you lose. Somehow that is not exactly working for me. Or is there something I can do better? Can I eat better? Should I eat more? Should I eat less?
I dont know any of these answers. I wish it really was just as simple as calories in and calories out.
I lost weight before, about 65 pounds. Exercising far less, and eating more junk. Maybe it is too much? Pretty sure Brent wont accept that...
I hate having to question myself, I hate that I havent found my groove by now.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Day Thirty One - Scale
I’ve been missing. Did you notice? Did you think I fell off? Kinda
At the beginning of my vacation I had a goal to lose 13 lbs in 10 days. I did all that amazing cardio, burning like I have never burned before, killing poor Rhonda, eating tuna instead of pasta. All kinds of great rewarding things. On Friday I was down 9 lbs. I was so ready to show up on Saturday and say Look! Look what I did. But the scale went up a pound instead. I was ok with that, I carried on. Went to jazzercise, ate really good, continued the same schedule. Sunday comes, I’m up another pound. Now Im mad. Why is it the harder I work the less I seem to lose? Is there such thing as too much cardio? Eating too much? Not eating enough? Drinking enough water? SO many things come into play in this little game we call weight loss.
Needless to say, I was kind of depressed. I decided on some ice cream. Cried on the way to get said ice cream knowing I shouldn’t be doing this, but still got ice cream. Monday I was still at the same weight, haven’t been on the scale since.
I talked to Brent on Monday, told him all my great exercise accomplishments, he liked. Then I told him the weight situation, he could clearly see my frustration and disappointment. I want to meet his goals so bad, I think I fear that he would be mad at me if I don’t, but he is not. I just want people to be proud. I put these big goals and dreams out there and I can’t even deliver. It breaks my heart. I want to do this because I want to be healthy obviously, but I really want to follow through on my promise more than anything. I like when people say Good Job, I like when people notice my hard work. If I can’t lose 15 damn pounds, how can anyone be proud? Not everyone seems me busting ass in the gym, so if you can’t see my effort coming through on my body, what have I really accomplished?
He said I have achieved more in this 1 month then I have in the last year. And this is true. Probably the last 5 years. We are going to sit down next week and go over exactly what Im doing and try to figure this thing out. I finished sulking, and I moved on.
It is just such a mind game. I crave the motivation of the scale, seeing it go down every day gives me the drive to keep going. But one bad day, which wasn’t even a bad day, sets me off for string of bad days. I was thinking if I had never weighed myself through out the week until Monday, I still lost a decent amount of weight. It wasn’t my goal, but I still lost.
I think I need to hide the scale, weigh just once a week, maaayybbeee two if Im feeling spry.
This week started a new set of classes with Brent, I’m at least in for the next 12 weeks for free. Then we will see what happens. Monday was ok, Tuesday he made me do the treadmill on a 9 incline for 40 minutes, yuck. Today was pushing my comfort zone. Two minutes on the treadmill at a 7.5 incline, 2 minutes squats, 2 minutes treadmill, 2 minutes chest press, 2 minutes get ups (laying down on the floor and coming to standing, laying back down, repeat), two minutes on the treadmill. All that times 3. The last treadmill run I was pretty sure I was going to puke, but I survived. I always do.
At the beginning of my vacation I had a goal to lose 13 lbs in 10 days. I did all that amazing cardio, burning like I have never burned before, killing poor Rhonda, eating tuna instead of pasta. All kinds of great rewarding things. On Friday I was down 9 lbs. I was so ready to show up on Saturday and say Look! Look what I did. But the scale went up a pound instead. I was ok with that, I carried on. Went to jazzercise, ate really good, continued the same schedule. Sunday comes, I’m up another pound. Now Im mad. Why is it the harder I work the less I seem to lose? Is there such thing as too much cardio? Eating too much? Not eating enough? Drinking enough water? SO many things come into play in this little game we call weight loss.
Needless to say, I was kind of depressed. I decided on some ice cream. Cried on the way to get said ice cream knowing I shouldn’t be doing this, but still got ice cream. Monday I was still at the same weight, haven’t been on the scale since.
I talked to Brent on Monday, told him all my great exercise accomplishments, he liked. Then I told him the weight situation, he could clearly see my frustration and disappointment. I want to meet his goals so bad, I think I fear that he would be mad at me if I don’t, but he is not. I just want people to be proud. I put these big goals and dreams out there and I can’t even deliver. It breaks my heart. I want to do this because I want to be healthy obviously, but I really want to follow through on my promise more than anything. I like when people say Good Job, I like when people notice my hard work. If I can’t lose 15 damn pounds, how can anyone be proud? Not everyone seems me busting ass in the gym, so if you can’t see my effort coming through on my body, what have I really accomplished?
He said I have achieved more in this 1 month then I have in the last year. And this is true. Probably the last 5 years. We are going to sit down next week and go over exactly what Im doing and try to figure this thing out. I finished sulking, and I moved on.
It is just such a mind game. I crave the motivation of the scale, seeing it go down every day gives me the drive to keep going. But one bad day, which wasn’t even a bad day, sets me off for string of bad days. I was thinking if I had never weighed myself through out the week until Monday, I still lost a decent amount of weight. It wasn’t my goal, but I still lost.
I think I need to hide the scale, weigh just once a week, maaayybbeee two if Im feeling spry.
This week started a new set of classes with Brent, I’m at least in for the next 12 weeks for free. Then we will see what happens. Monday was ok, Tuesday he made me do the treadmill on a 9 incline for 40 minutes, yuck. Today was pushing my comfort zone. Two minutes on the treadmill at a 7.5 incline, 2 minutes squats, 2 minutes treadmill, 2 minutes chest press, 2 minutes get ups (laying down on the floor and coming to standing, laying back down, repeat), two minutes on the treadmill. All that times 3. The last treadmill run I was pretty sure I was going to puke, but I survived. I always do.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Day Twenty Six - 1000
I joined a challenge on MFP, we are on teams rowing about boat around the world! For every 50 calories you burn, it moves your boat 1 mile. Today was a double mile day! So 50 calories is 2 miles. I set off on a mission. A mission to burn 1000 calories, but turns out that would only be 40 miles, so I set a new goal for 50 miles or 1250 calories.
I figured if I just did 842 calories on the elliptical, I could do 1000 calories. I gave Rhonda a pep talk and off I went. I chose that same 45 minute program, and was moving right along. With 20 minutes left I had only burned 400 calories, I need to pick up the pace. I started doing intervals of 30 seconds fast as I can, 30 seconds recovery pace. When the 45 minutes was up I was just over 800 calories. I kept going. You knew that right?
57 minutes, 1002 calories.
There was no crying, no pain, no thinking when the hell can I get off. Just sweat and lots of it.
Then I headed to the pool and swam laps for 30 minutes to top of my day. I ended up with 1485 calories total, 59.4 miles!!!
What a great vacation this has been! I couldn't have asked for more sun, sweat or fun!
You can call me The Greatest, or for short just The Greatest
I figured if I just did 842 calories on the elliptical, I could do 1000 calories. I gave Rhonda a pep talk and off I went. I chose that same 45 minute program, and was moving right along. With 20 minutes left I had only burned 400 calories, I need to pick up the pace. I started doing intervals of 30 seconds fast as I can, 30 seconds recovery pace. When the 45 minutes was up I was just over 800 calories. I kept going. You knew that right?
57 minutes, 1002 calories.
There was no crying, no pain, no thinking when the hell can I get off. Just sweat and lots of it.
Then I headed to the pool and swam laps for 30 minutes to top of my day. I ended up with 1485 calories total, 59.4 miles!!!
What a great vacation this has been! I couldn't have asked for more sun, sweat or fun!
You can call me The Greatest, or for short just The Greatest
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Day Twenty Five - Tuna
What a day today was. I went to a funeral, got a hair cut and made it to Jazzercise this evening.
I'm tired, that's all I got today.
Well, I guess you may be pleased to know that the funeral lunch was at Maggiano's. I opted to go home and eat tuna. Am I strong or am I strong? As long as the scale keeps moving, it makes it really easy to keep the rock star attitude.
5 more lbs, 4 days left.
I'm tired, that's all I got today.
Well, I guess you may be pleased to know that the funeral lunch was at Maggiano's. I opted to go home and eat tuna. Am I strong or am I strong? As long as the scale keeps moving, it makes it really easy to keep the rock star attitude.
5 more lbs, 4 days left.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Day Twenty Four - Swimmingly
Since I wrote my blog earlier than normal I should let you know yesterday ended supremely. After the elliptical I went for a swim, soaked up the sun, drank lots of water and stayed within my calorie goal for the day.
I posted a few days ago that I needed to drop 13 lbs by this upcoming Monday to reach my first goal. I'm happy to report I'm half way there!! Only 6 more pounds to go!! Its probably going to be more difficult the rest of the week, I imagine all the water weight is gone now. But I will keep chugging along. I am now finally back into 'new numbers'. Everything I gained is completely gone and I am now down 2 lbs from my last weigh in with Brent. Saving a post-it update for his scale.
I broke out the Wii today and tried the Gold's Gym Boxing. At first I was like this is so lame, how do people burn calories on this. But once I got away from their little program and broke into the weight loss section I was loving it! I wore my HRM and burned 350 calories in 35 minutes! Not bad if you ask me! I also went to the pool. I walk to the pool, only a few blocks. Then when I get in I walk, swim, tread water, keep moving, for at least 20 minutes. Then I can get out and sun myself. I did that twice yesterday, only once today, it kinda looked like rain.
School tonight, ugh. I really really really dislike this class and this teacher. And because its my very last class ever it makes it so much harder to stay focused. Today is class 4, just 6 more weeks after tonight.
I posted a few days ago that I needed to drop 13 lbs by this upcoming Monday to reach my first goal. I'm happy to report I'm half way there!! Only 6 more pounds to go!! Its probably going to be more difficult the rest of the week, I imagine all the water weight is gone now. But I will keep chugging along. I am now finally back into 'new numbers'. Everything I gained is completely gone and I am now down 2 lbs from my last weigh in with Brent. Saving a post-it update for his scale.
I broke out the Wii today and tried the Gold's Gym Boxing. At first I was like this is so lame, how do people burn calories on this. But once I got away from their little program and broke into the weight loss section I was loving it! I wore my HRM and burned 350 calories in 35 minutes! Not bad if you ask me! I also went to the pool. I walk to the pool, only a few blocks. Then when I get in I walk, swim, tread water, keep moving, for at least 20 minutes. Then I can get out and sun myself. I did that twice yesterday, only once today, it kinda looked like rain.
School tonight, ugh. I really really really dislike this class and this teacher. And because its my very last class ever it makes it so much harder to stay focused. Today is class 4, just 6 more weeks after tonight.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Day Twenty Three - I Keep Going
My first real day of vacation! It doesn't count to me if everyone else in the country is off.
I woke up with one goal in mind, get on the elliptical. I own one, have had it for maybe almost 3 years I think. I bought my home in May of last year, I remember using the elliptical once since living here. Poor Rhonda, yes her name is Rhonda. She talks! She says Hi! My name is Rhonda and I will be your trainer today. I lost her talking program for a while, but she is back now!
Anywho, my goal for the day was to get on it. My plan was to burn at least 500 calories per my HRM, but I REALLY wanted 700 calories. Since I haven't been on it in so long I had no idea how long I would last. Yes, I have been doing all this other crazy stuff, but this is a different exercise using different muscles. I remember my very first time using it at the gym I struggled to make 15 minutes. That was kind of what I was expecting today, even though I wanted that really good calorie burn. To help myself reach that goal I posted on MyFitnessPal. If you have never heard of that site, its kind of like facebook for the health and fitness world, you should check it out!
I posted that I was about to get on the elliptical and wanted at least a 500 calorie burn, ultimate goal 700 calories. I posted this for my friends to see, so I wouldn't quit when it got hard, and I would stick to my goal. Im so smart....
So I'm on, I'm going. Poor Rhonda is screaming for me to get off. I'm over the weight limit and she lets me know with her creaking and groaning. It is in my second bedroom that doesn't have much in it. Nothing to look at, just walls and ceilings to stare at. Second song on my ipod and I'm ready to cry.
"That that dont kill me, can only make me stronger. I need you to hurry up now, cuz I cant wait much longer. I know I got to be right now, cuz I cant get much wronger."
I can cry now, because no one is here, but I dont. I stick to my lip quiver, deep breathing and I suck it up. Thanks Kanye
I keep going.
20 minutes and 300 calories in my foot hurts, like my shoe is too tight or something.
I keep going.
Then it spreads to my leg, each step something is shooting from foot all the way up through my butt.
I keep going.
500 Calories rolls around. Another song pops up at the right time.
"Struggling is just a part of my day, Many obstacles been placed in my way, I know the only reason that I make it through, Is because I never stop believing in you, Some people wonder why we're here in the first place, They can't believe because they ain't never seen your face
But even when you pray, day to day you gotta try, Cant wait for nobody to come down out the sky, You've got to realize that the world's a test, You can only do your best and let him do the rest, You've got your life, you've got your health, So quit procrastinating and push it yourself"
One of my most favorite songs of all time, I've had those words memorized since 1997 and I repeat them often. Thanks Outkast and CeeLo. See, all rap is not crap!
Im ready to cry again, I think its a combo of hurting and being exciting that Im getting it done.
I keep going.
When I first got on the machine I picked a 45 minute weight loss program because I had no idea how long these 500-700 calories would take me.
I keep going
At about 38 minutes in I reach 700 calories. Well who stops with less than 10 minutes left on the program. Not this girl.
45 minutes and 842 calories.
I did not stop, I did not second guess myself. I kept going. I hurt, I kept going. I cried, I kept going. I damn near killed the machine, I kept going. I want to cry now just writing this, its very emotional to me, I'm proud.
I
Will
Keep
Going
What does 842 calories look like?
THIS
I woke up with one goal in mind, get on the elliptical. I own one, have had it for maybe almost 3 years I think. I bought my home in May of last year, I remember using the elliptical once since living here. Poor Rhonda, yes her name is Rhonda. She talks! She says Hi! My name is Rhonda and I will be your trainer today. I lost her talking program for a while, but she is back now!
Anywho, my goal for the day was to get on it. My plan was to burn at least 500 calories per my HRM, but I REALLY wanted 700 calories. Since I haven't been on it in so long I had no idea how long I would last. Yes, I have been doing all this other crazy stuff, but this is a different exercise using different muscles. I remember my very first time using it at the gym I struggled to make 15 minutes. That was kind of what I was expecting today, even though I wanted that really good calorie burn. To help myself reach that goal I posted on MyFitnessPal. If you have never heard of that site, its kind of like facebook for the health and fitness world, you should check it out!
I posted that I was about to get on the elliptical and wanted at least a 500 calorie burn, ultimate goal 700 calories. I posted this for my friends to see, so I wouldn't quit when it got hard, and I would stick to my goal. Im so smart....
So I'm on, I'm going. Poor Rhonda is screaming for me to get off. I'm over the weight limit and she lets me know with her creaking and groaning. It is in my second bedroom that doesn't have much in it. Nothing to look at, just walls and ceilings to stare at. Second song on my ipod and I'm ready to cry.
"That that dont kill me, can only make me stronger. I need you to hurry up now, cuz I cant wait much longer. I know I got to be right now, cuz I cant get much wronger."
I can cry now, because no one is here, but I dont. I stick to my lip quiver, deep breathing and I suck it up. Thanks Kanye
I keep going.
20 minutes and 300 calories in my foot hurts, like my shoe is too tight or something.
I keep going.
Then it spreads to my leg, each step something is shooting from foot all the way up through my butt.
I keep going.
500 Calories rolls around. Another song pops up at the right time.
"Struggling is just a part of my day, Many obstacles been placed in my way, I know the only reason that I make it through, Is because I never stop believing in you, Some people wonder why we're here in the first place, They can't believe because they ain't never seen your face
But even when you pray, day to day you gotta try, Cant wait for nobody to come down out the sky, You've got to realize that the world's a test, You can only do your best and let him do the rest, You've got your life, you've got your health, So quit procrastinating and push it yourself"
One of my most favorite songs of all time, I've had those words memorized since 1997 and I repeat them often. Thanks Outkast and CeeLo. See, all rap is not crap!
Im ready to cry again, I think its a combo of hurting and being exciting that Im getting it done.
I keep going.
When I first got on the machine I picked a 45 minute weight loss program because I had no idea how long these 500-700 calories would take me.
I keep going
At about 38 minutes in I reach 700 calories. Well who stops with less than 10 minutes left on the program. Not this girl.
45 minutes and 842 calories.
I did not stop, I did not second guess myself. I kept going. I hurt, I kept going. I cried, I kept going. I damn near killed the machine, I kept going. I want to cry now just writing this, its very emotional to me, I'm proud.
I
Will
Keep
Going
What does 842 calories look like?
THIS
Monday, July 4, 2011
Day Twenty Two - I can do better
Happy 4th of July! Hope everyone had a great holiday weekend. I stuck to my plan of early morning exercise and ate pretty well too today. Now I just have to figure out what to do with the rest of the week. Vacation is great, but the lack of schedule kills me. I have 6 days left to lose about 9 lbs. Can it be done? Can I exercise enough? Can I stop snacking on crap at night? Can I do it without someone telling me to? Can I push myself to my limit without Brent this week?
I was looking at my sad post-its that need to be redone since being windblown, and I was thinking about my commitment to this goal. Am I committed? Yes. Can I do a better job? Yes.
Its hard. Its hard when Im here at home by myself. No one is here to see what I eat, no one is looking, no one has to know what goes on. Obviously the scale tells all my lonely secrets, but through out the day there really is not one single thing to stop me from devouring my entire fridge. I guess I could walk more, read more, sleep more, do anything to stop. But to catch yourself in that moment and say hey knock it off, is sooo hard when that jar of peanut butter looks sooo good after a day of lettuce and meat.
Moral of the story is: I can do better, I can try harder. I can move more and eat less.
I was looking at my sad post-its that need to be redone since being windblown, and I was thinking about my commitment to this goal. Am I committed? Yes. Can I do a better job? Yes.
Its hard. Its hard when Im here at home by myself. No one is here to see what I eat, no one is looking, no one has to know what goes on. Obviously the scale tells all my lonely secrets, but through out the day there really is not one single thing to stop me from devouring my entire fridge. I guess I could walk more, read more, sleep more, do anything to stop. But to catch yourself in that moment and say hey knock it off, is sooo hard when that jar of peanut butter looks sooo good after a day of lettuce and meat.
Moral of the story is: I can do better, I can try harder. I can move more and eat less.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Day Twenty One - 21 days
Well they say it takes 21 days to make a habit right? So am I a life long exerciser now? We'll see....
Went to Jazzercise again today at the crack of dawn, will be there again tomorrow to burn some pre BBQ calories.
Apparently when one goes to the pool on a 90 degree day, one must reapply their sunscreen to prevent burning. Yeah, I'm burnt. My back, because I didn't put any on back there, and my shoulders. So it was an indoor day for Katie for the rest of the day today. Maybe I will be pool ready by Tuesday. Since I am off from work this week I plan to spend some good quality time in the pool. Its a nice leisurely second workout. Yesterday I got in and kept walking back and forth for 20 minutes. Took a break, then did another 20 of walking and treading. Then the flock of children showed up and my time was done. I hope its not too crowded during the week. Im not sure what else Im going to do exercise wise, I can only do Jazz Hands so many days in a row. It will be an interesting week, the structure of the work day helps keep me in check. Im going to have to be extra strong!
Went to Jazzercise again today at the crack of dawn, will be there again tomorrow to burn some pre BBQ calories.
Apparently when one goes to the pool on a 90 degree day, one must reapply their sunscreen to prevent burning. Yeah, I'm burnt. My back, because I didn't put any on back there, and my shoulders. So it was an indoor day for Katie for the rest of the day today. Maybe I will be pool ready by Tuesday. Since I am off from work this week I plan to spend some good quality time in the pool. Its a nice leisurely second workout. Yesterday I got in and kept walking back and forth for 20 minutes. Took a break, then did another 20 of walking and treading. Then the flock of children showed up and my time was done. I hope its not too crowded during the week. Im not sure what else Im going to do exercise wise, I can only do Jazz Hands so many days in a row. It will be an interesting week, the structure of the work day helps keep me in check. Im going to have to be extra strong!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Day Nineteen & Twenty - Back at it!
I was so tired last night, I forgot to post! Busy busy day at work. I did not get to go down and exercise, I just had too much to do and did not want to have to stay late. So I didn't exercise, and I did not weigh in. I'm surprised he did not come looking for me! I could of very well forgot too, he does that. He is on vacation next week and so I am! My plan is to be at my goal weight on 7/11, our first day back.
I got on the scale today and I am up 5 lbs. I haven't done much this week, ate whatever, drank very little water. Im hoping at least half of that is water weight, and go away quickly. So, I need to lose 13 lbs over the next 10 days....
I got up and went to 8 AM jazzercise, I haven't been in a week. I dropped a weight on my foot which was lovely. I tried to pretend like it didn't hurt and just kept on going. Its not too bad now, just sore to the touch, will probably be a nice bruise. When Im laying around being lazy, eating crap, I hate the thought of having to exercise or eat healthy. But once I get up and do it, it changes my whole outlook on everything. I'm so glad I went this morning. I feel ready to really be back on track, to exercise daily, to count my calories, which I did not do all week either.
Its going to be ok, Im going to make it. Im going to sweat like its my job this week. I have jazzercise, I have an elliptical, I have Wii, I have a pool, so many options out there.
Its 90 degree's and Im heading to the pool now!
I got on the scale today and I am up 5 lbs. I haven't done much this week, ate whatever, drank very little water. Im hoping at least half of that is water weight, and go away quickly. So, I need to lose 13 lbs over the next 10 days....
I got up and went to 8 AM jazzercise, I haven't been in a week. I dropped a weight on my foot which was lovely. I tried to pretend like it didn't hurt and just kept on going. Its not too bad now, just sore to the touch, will probably be a nice bruise. When Im laying around being lazy, eating crap, I hate the thought of having to exercise or eat healthy. But once I get up and do it, it changes my whole outlook on everything. I'm so glad I went this morning. I feel ready to really be back on track, to exercise daily, to count my calories, which I did not do all week either.
Its going to be ok, Im going to make it. Im going to sweat like its my job this week. I have jazzercise, I have an elliptical, I have Wii, I have a pool, so many options out there.
Its 90 degree's and Im heading to the pool now!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Day Eighteen - Snatch
I woke up this morning, still hurting. First thing I did when I get to work was go down to the gym and see what Brent had planned for todays workout, to see if I could do it or not. It was a lot of the same exercises we did on tuesday, one specifically that I was sure that put me in this situation. Brent said too bad, be there! And there I was. There were only 3 of us in class today, so we got lots of special personal attention. We went along through the workout, and I was sore put pushing through. The one I thought that hurt me was towards the end, the dumbbell snatch. As soon as I did the first one, I knew that was it! That was the culprit! But I kept going. It hurt, but at the same time it was working it out too. For todays 'finisher', he had the other 2 girls sprint on the treadmill, I got more personal special treatment. He has these huge giant rubber band type things, he tied them together, then put one around his waist and one around mine. Then I got to try to run away, with his big ass as an anchor. I kinda liked it actually. Each time I tried to get further then I did the time before. I guess that is one way to make me run, he is smart!
I was also informed today that I will be in the boot camp class again when they start back up. This is the last week of his sessions, he is off for a week, then the next session starts. I was hoping to go back to basic training, I had no plans for boot camp! There is so much that is so hard for me to do! I dont really get a choice though, do I?
Tomorrow will be my third weigh in. I have no idea what to expect. I have not weighed myself since last friday. If I am not eating right and doing what I am supposed to, I dont bother to weigh and see where I am at. We will find out. I could gain 1 pound, I could gain 7, I have no clue what will happen.
Im attaching a link of good old Brent doing the exercise that injured me. He has all kinds of videos on his you tube channel, you can see all the crazy stuff he makes me do.
I was also informed today that I will be in the boot camp class again when they start back up. This is the last week of his sessions, he is off for a week, then the next session starts. I was hoping to go back to basic training, I had no plans for boot camp! There is so much that is so hard for me to do! I dont really get a choice though, do I?
Tomorrow will be my third weigh in. I have no idea what to expect. I have not weighed myself since last friday. If I am not eating right and doing what I am supposed to, I dont bother to weigh and see where I am at. We will find out. I could gain 1 pound, I could gain 7, I have no clue what will happen.
Im attaching a link of good old Brent doing the exercise that injured me. He has all kinds of videos on his you tube channel, you can see all the crazy stuff he makes me do.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Day Seventeen - Ouch
I'm injured! Whatever I did yesterday during Brent's speed workout was not good for my back. I was probably doing something wrong. Sometimes my back is sore, but this is like real pain! I did not exercise today, he wasn't too pleased. It hurt to walk down there just to say I wasnt going to exercise, I was never going to make it on the treadmill for an hour.
I told him I was having a hard time with nutrition this week, he wants me to call or email him when Im feeling discouraged. I don't know. I'm just not that type of person. Id rather stew, and be angry than talk about it. I know this is not the right choice, but one step at a time here. It's bad enough I'm spilling it all here, and you want me to tell you how I feel to your face? I would die if he found this blog by the way.
I'm hoping I feel back to normal tomorrow, or at least somewhat for his workout.
I told him I was having a hard time with nutrition this week, he wants me to call or email him when Im feeling discouraged. I don't know. I'm just not that type of person. Id rather stew, and be angry than talk about it. I know this is not the right choice, but one step at a time here. It's bad enough I'm spilling it all here, and you want me to tell you how I feel to your face? I would die if he found this blog by the way.
I'm hoping I feel back to normal tomorrow, or at least somewhat for his workout.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Day Sixteen - Life is hard, food is easy
Great workout today! I love when we do stuff I can do. I hate stuff that involves getting up and down off the floor. Everything was standing today, I dig it. No crying here today peeps!
I still don't have my eating completely back together. I think I've eaten ice cream every day since Saturday. I'm clearly not going to make my goal by Friday, but that is ok. I'm doing what I can for the moment. I have been looking at a lot of different nutritional plans, seeing what works for other people. There is no reason why I cant make this work for me, I just need to find my flow. My mind says eat less, the world says eat more. I don't know. Really, its day 16, I shouldn't have to be thinking about these things. This should be the sweet honeymoon, but apparently my bones enjoy being covered in fat.
This is why I stop, this is when I say whats the point, this is when I wonder maybe this is just the way I am meant to me, and this is usually where I gain another 20.
Being fat is hard, losing weight is hard. Time to pick my hard, and I'm pretty sure I don't want the fat one.
Have I mentioned hate hard?
I still don't have my eating completely back together. I think I've eaten ice cream every day since Saturday. I'm clearly not going to make my goal by Friday, but that is ok. I'm doing what I can for the moment. I have been looking at a lot of different nutritional plans, seeing what works for other people. There is no reason why I cant make this work for me, I just need to find my flow. My mind says eat less, the world says eat more. I don't know. Really, its day 16, I shouldn't have to be thinking about these things. This should be the sweet honeymoon, but apparently my bones enjoy being covered in fat.
This is why I stop, this is when I say whats the point, this is when I wonder maybe this is just the way I am meant to me, and this is usually where I gain another 20.
Being fat is hard, losing weight is hard. Time to pick my hard, and I'm pretty sure I don't want the fat one.
Have I mentioned hate hard?
Monday, June 27, 2011
Day Fifteen - Do
Well, at least I exercised today. That's a step in the right direction. I feel so lost right now. Like something I put my whole heart and soul into has failed me, and I don't know where to go next. Pretty dramatic for one bad week out of a whole two, but that's how I feel. I'm going to start doing what I think is right this week, regardless of what Brent thinks. I think this may be a bigger project then he bargained for.
Pretty sure I am not going to make my 15lb goal this Friday, but Im going to keep plugging along. I did not get like this in a matter of weeks, and its going to take a lot longer than a few weeks to fix this. I just have to keep going. This is the rest of my life. There is no quit, there is no fail, there is only DO
Pretty sure I am not going to make my 15lb goal this Friday, but Im going to keep plugging along. I did not get like this in a matter of weeks, and its going to take a lot longer than a few weeks to fix this. I just have to keep going. This is the rest of my life. There is no quit, there is no fail, there is only DO
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Day Thirteen & Fourteen - Rogue
I've been under the radar this weekend, doing as I please. Not exercising, eating whatever, resorting back to the old Katie. Because of course, when things don't go your way, and you don't lose any weight, its best to lay around and eat crap. That always makes everything better....
Anyway, I'm back to the grind tomorrow. Back to work, back to exercise, back to salad and chicken.
Anyway, I'm back to the grind tomorrow. Back to work, back to exercise, back to salad and chicken.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Day Twelve - 1
I lost 1 lb today, .8 really.
That is what I worked hard for, that is what I exercised 9 times this week for, that is what I cried for, that is what I sweat for, that is what I jogged for, that is what I hurt for.
0.8.
That is all.
That is what I worked hard for, that is what I exercised 9 times this week for, that is what I cried for, that is what I sweat for, that is what I jogged for, that is what I hurt for.
0.8.
That is all.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Day Eleven - Resurrect
Not a bad day today. A good workout with Brent actually, not easy but not too hard. My ankles are really hurting tonight, I hope its better for tomorrow. Tomorrow is weigh in #2, I have no idea what to expect. I'm surely not expecting another 5 lbs. We will see. I'm also going to tell him how hard this week has been on my body and see what he has to say.
In other news, we had a bad storm the other night and all my post its came down with the wind. Just a few were left. I've tried to resurrect it, but its not too pretty and keeps falling. I'm going to have to break out the tape and see what I can do. Hopefully there will be a few that I don't have to put back up tomorrow.
Going to bed extra early tonight, so I can wake up happy and ready for another week tomorrow.
In other news, we had a bad storm the other night and all my post its came down with the wind. Just a few were left. I've tried to resurrect it, but its not too pretty and keeps falling. I'm going to have to break out the tape and see what I can do. Hopefully there will be a few that I don't have to put back up tomorrow.
Going to bed extra early tonight, so I can wake up happy and ready for another week tomorrow.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Day 10 - Enough
I’ve had enough today. I’m tired, physically and mentally. My body is sore from yesterday’s workout. But the exercise never stops. Had to do the treadmill today again on 7.5 incline. My legs were just not having it, I ended up going a half mile per hour slower than he wanted me to. But I figure it was better to just keep going, even if it was slow then to quit. I really wanted to quit it all today. This is my breaking point. I’m so tired of this, and it’s only the beginning. How am I supposed to make it through just to the end of summer, lets not even think further ahead then that right now! He wants me to add more 2adays to my schedule. I’m working out 9 times a week, what more can I give? I’m so tired. I know I have a bunch of supporters behind me, but really I am alone in this. I’m the one that has to get up and move everyday, I’m the one that has to eat salad every single day. I’m the one that has to think about every single action every single day. I know I said in one of my first posts that I got myself here and I have to get myself out, but really….. I need help, and I cant have it. It’s so hard. This is the moment where in any other attempt I have made that I give up. Whatever I do, it’s never enough. I can’t exercise enough, I can’t eat any less, I can’t take anymore. That’s really how I feel right this very moment. And truthfully, nothing bad has happened today. He just wants more exercise. I’m not sure he gets what its like to move around carrying this much weight. No, I’m not sure, I’m positive he doesn’t know. A lot of people don’t know. I wish I could keep a 100 pound vest with and randomly hand it out and say “Here, now do some jumping jacks,” or “Here, go climb 30 flights of stairs.”
Every night when I go to bed my knees are screaming. If I sit too long, I get kinda stuck getting up. I have to just stand there and let my body warm up a bit before I can make it move. My calves hurt, my shins hurt, my ankles hurts, my whole damn leg hurts. My body is reaching its boiling point with all this exercise. This isnt Biggest Loser, the is no one to rub me down and pack me with ice at the end of the day. Im tired, Im cranky, now I have to go to school.... Tomorrow promises to be a ton of fun.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Day Nine - Jog
Well, you know a Brent workout is going to be an interesting day. Today we did 4 rounds of push ups, squats romanian dead lifts, kettle bell swings, and reverse crunches. That was enough to have probably anyone sweaty and out of breath. Then there is what Brent likes to call The Finisher. Sometimes we go to the stairs and go from the basement to 5 over and over until we want to die. Sometimes we do a million lunges or wall sits. Sometimes we sprint on the treadmill. Well I don't sprint, Obviously. That is when I lost it last week. Our finisher was on the treadmill on a 15 incline, going way faster than I would like. Today was on the treadmill, jumping jacks, treadmill, burpees, repeat x3.
I start on the treadmill, I set it to a speed where I thought I would be walking fast. I'm not sure what I was really thinking now looking back because I know I was pushed to tears last time at a much lower speed. So he says go, I hop on and I'm moving. And its going way to fast. Suddenly I'm jogging to keep up. WTF I'm jogging! Then its time to switch. I try to do jumping jacks, I'm kinda stepping side to side. Brent is in my face "Jump! Lift your feet off the ground!" This body does not leave the ground, he has a hard time getting that. Then Its back to the treadmill, and there I am jogging again somehow. And a girl shouts out "Good Job Katie!" I think that made my whole day. I don't know this girl, she has been in my class a few times. But those few words really meant the world to me. I hear it from Brent a lot, but when it comes from other people I think its extra special. They don't have to say anything, they don't have to try to be nice or help me finish strong. But when that one person does, its amazing.
I finish up the rest of the rounds, still jogging! With all the on/off, its only really a minute or two of jogging. But this 359 pound girl was not walking!!
Yeah, then I cried. I don't really know why this time. I didn't feel pushed like I did last week. I think I was happy, feeling accomplished, of what I just did. I think the build up of emotion gets to me. I work so hard hard I just break mentally, good or bad. I hung out in the hallway trying to get it together, then I headed for the stairs. Yes, I take the stairs back to me desk after all that, every day. Half because its just the right thing to do, half because I'm afraid I smell too bad to get in the elevator.
I start on the treadmill, I set it to a speed where I thought I would be walking fast. I'm not sure what I was really thinking now looking back because I know I was pushed to tears last time at a much lower speed. So he says go, I hop on and I'm moving. And its going way to fast. Suddenly I'm jogging to keep up. WTF I'm jogging! Then its time to switch. I try to do jumping jacks, I'm kinda stepping side to side. Brent is in my face "Jump! Lift your feet off the ground!" This body does not leave the ground, he has a hard time getting that. Then Its back to the treadmill, and there I am jogging again somehow. And a girl shouts out "Good Job Katie!" I think that made my whole day. I don't know this girl, she has been in my class a few times. But those few words really meant the world to me. I hear it from Brent a lot, but when it comes from other people I think its extra special. They don't have to say anything, they don't have to try to be nice or help me finish strong. But when that one person does, its amazing.
I finish up the rest of the rounds, still jogging! With all the on/off, its only really a minute or two of jogging. But this 359 pound girl was not walking!!
Yeah, then I cried. I don't really know why this time. I didn't feel pushed like I did last week. I think I was happy, feeling accomplished, of what I just did. I think the build up of emotion gets to me. I work so hard hard I just break mentally, good or bad. I hung out in the hallway trying to get it together, then I headed for the stairs. Yes, I take the stairs back to me desk after all that, every day. Half because its just the right thing to do, half because I'm afraid I smell too bad to get in the elevator.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Day Eight - Inclined
Monday. Tough time getting up and moving today, but I made it somehow. Brent was eagerly awaiting my appearance at the gym when I arrived. He was ready to kick things up a notch again. He moved me to a 7.5 incline, and also wanted me to increase the speed. Was not very sure at all how I was going to make it on a 7.5 incline. And then increase my speed too? I'm only 5'5, I have little limbs, they dont move very fast. I did my best to keep up. I lowered the speed once my heart rate went into the 170's, but I never touched that incline. And I made it! In fact, when my 40 minutes was up I was at 692 calories burned, I kept going to reach 700.
I started wearing my heart rate monitor to my workouts now so I can know exactly how much I am burning. A lot of people have asked me about walking on such an incline on the treadmill and why he makes me do it. Here is the secret: 40 minutes got me 700 calories burned. 40 minutes of Jazzercise today 470 calories burned. You can easily burn double, or even triple the calories you normally would just by increasing the incline. So slow it down and hike it up people!
I started wearing my heart rate monitor to my workouts now so I can know exactly how much I am burning. A lot of people have asked me about walking on such an incline on the treadmill and why he makes me do it. Here is the secret: 40 minutes got me 700 calories burned. 40 minutes of Jazzercise today 470 calories burned. You can easily burn double, or even triple the calories you normally would just by increasing the incline. So slow it down and hike it up people!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Day Seven - Week one done
We are at the end of the week, and the start of a new one. I cant believe day 7 is done already. Today was a busy day starting with Jazzercise bright and early at 8, then out and about for fathers day stuff. Im exhausted and ready for bed. Seems I have nothing exciting to say unless I have a Brent workout. Im sure the upcoming week will be productive.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Day Six - Not today
Welcome to the weekend! Weekends can be really tough, we lose the structure that the weekdays provide us. We have time on our hands to think about food more, or we have no time that can force us into bad choices. Last Saturday I was in a bad place. It was gloomy outside, and my outlook was gloomy. I slept most of the day, felt angry that the scale wasn't dropping it like its hot, and I made some pretty bad food choices as a result. What a difference a week makes! I had a great day today! I was kinda freaked out all week that I wasn't going to make my weekly weight loss goal, things didn't seem to be moving even though I was following my plan to the T. But losing the weight yesterday, and receiving all the excitement from Brent really turned my outlook around. We had a high five moment where he said "Who loses a pound a day?" And we both shouted "I do!" I keep reliving that moment over and over in my head. This IS going to happen! I might not lose 5lbs every single week, but all I need to do is keep moving my body, and fueling it right, and things will happen.
I woke up with a headache this morning, feeling like I really wanted to go back to bed. Since I started exercising Monday - Friday a few weeks ago, I usually end up sleeping all Saturday just to recover. But not today. I dragged my butt to Jazzercise. I only stayed for the cardio portion and skipped the strength training, but I went. And I will go again tomorrow, I plan to stay the whole time. I also dug my heart rate monitor out of its three year hibernation. I want to track my exercise with accuracy. It was a little sad to see the last time I used it my weight was 304, but that's ok. Ill be there soon.
To track my 85 lb summer goal I put 85 post-its on my wall, next to my bed. A nice visual reminder, and its fun to take the post-its down when I lose the pounds! Here is what it looks like, with 80-85 already down of course!
I woke up with a headache this morning, feeling like I really wanted to go back to bed. Since I started exercising Monday - Friday a few weeks ago, I usually end up sleeping all Saturday just to recover. But not today. I dragged my butt to Jazzercise. I only stayed for the cardio portion and skipped the strength training, but I went. And I will go again tomorrow, I plan to stay the whole time. I also dug my heart rate monitor out of its three year hibernation. I want to track my exercise with accuracy. It was a little sad to see the last time I used it my weight was 304, but that's ok. Ill be there soon.
To track my 85 lb summer goal I put 85 post-its on my wall, next to my bed. A nice visual reminder, and its fun to take the post-its down when I lose the pounds! Here is what it looks like, with 80-85 already down of course!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Day Five - Still Alive
See my little friend down there, all the way at the bottom of the page, she moved! I lost 5.4 pounds for my first week! I was worried it wasn't going to happen, but it did! Brent was so happy he hugged me!
For those of you who follow me on MyFitnessPal, that is my total loss since starting at the gym, on my home scale. What will be here is strictly my losses on Brent's scale since the start of this challenge. I like his scale much better!
I've been so focused on this first 85lb goal, I forgot to tell you about my first mini goal. Brent has promised prizes along the way! I like prizes! My first mini goal is 15 lbs by 7/1. And the prize? An extra day of working out with Brent, one on one. Not what I had in mind......... But Ill take all the help I can get. Only 9.6 more lbs to go!
Today was a good day, 60 minutes on the treadmill on a 6 incline, and 40 minutes of Jazzercise tonight. I ate dinner just a bit ago, but still kinda hungry. Might just go to bed early.
For those of you who follow me on MyFitnessPal, that is my total loss since starting at the gym, on my home scale. What will be here is strictly my losses on Brent's scale since the start of this challenge. I like his scale much better!
I've been so focused on this first 85lb goal, I forgot to tell you about my first mini goal. Brent has promised prizes along the way! I like prizes! My first mini goal is 15 lbs by 7/1. And the prize? An extra day of working out with Brent, one on one. Not what I had in mind......... But Ill take all the help I can get. Only 9.6 more lbs to go!
Today was a good day, 60 minutes on the treadmill on a 6 incline, and 40 minutes of Jazzercise tonight. I ate dinner just a bit ago, but still kinda hungry. Might just go to bed early.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Day Four - Hard
Another tough day for me, just like I predicted. Woke up with minimal time to get up and out of the house to work. I was tired before the workout even began, but there I was at 11 AM just like every other day. Brent has a couple of different workout classes, the two main ones are Basic Training, for beginners and the unfit like me, and Boot Camp, which is for people more in shape already looking to improve their fitness or tone up. I'm in Basic Training, where I belong. Mr. Brent decided this week the class moved on the Boot Camp. Hmph. I thought Tuesday was hard, today was worse. We do our exercises in intervals. In Basic its usually 45 seconds doing an exercise, 15 seconds rest, or sometimes even 30 seconds on, 30 off. Boot Camp today was 90 seconds on, 15 off. And the 15 second 'rest' isn't even rest because you have to haul ass to the next station and be prepared to start. Boot Camp is also filled with all kinds of things I can't/shouldn't do, like jumping rope. This mass does not jump. I did try though. His alternative was walking the treadmill on a 15 incline that nearly killed me. Other exercises are push ups and planks. Do you know how long it takes me to get down on the floor? And then you give me 15 seconds to get up and 'rest'. Everything was just really hard for me today and I really hate hard. Hard is why I am fat. Hard causes me to retreat to my safety zone. Hard makes me quit. Hard pushes me outside of my comfort zone. But that is where I am supposed to be. That is why I have a trainer, because I would never do hard without him.
Hard also makes me cry. I went to the bathroom after my workout and just cried. Just a release of stress and emotion I guess. We already know I feel a lot of things while sweating my ass off, today was just enough to push me over the edge.
And then you have the 120 pound, booty short wearing, skinny girls in the class watching my every move. Now that things are harder, I am obviously not able to keep up as much as before. I hate to feel like a spectacle. Why is it every time I am hauling my big ass up off the ground, you are looking at me? Yes, I have sweat dripping off me, I know its not cute. Yes, I am breathing heavy, I'm trying to stay alive. Yes, sometimes I just stand there to catch a break until Brent sees me. But I'm here to get healthy just like you are, please don't make me feel like a zoo animal on display.
The rest of my day was good. I'm actually looking forward to my double workout day tomorrow and my first official weigh in!
Hard also makes me cry. I went to the bathroom after my workout and just cried. Just a release of stress and emotion I guess. We already know I feel a lot of things while sweating my ass off, today was just enough to push me over the edge.
And then you have the 120 pound, booty short wearing, skinny girls in the class watching my every move. Now that things are harder, I am obviously not able to keep up as much as before. I hate to feel like a spectacle. Why is it every time I am hauling my big ass up off the ground, you are looking at me? Yes, I have sweat dripping off me, I know its not cute. Yes, I am breathing heavy, I'm trying to stay alive. Yes, sometimes I just stand there to catch a break until Brent sees me. But I'm here to get healthy just like you are, please don't make me feel like a zoo animal on display.
The rest of my day was good. I'm actually looking forward to my double workout day tomorrow and my first official weigh in!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Day Three - School Daze
I put my shoes on at 7 this morning, I just took them off a bit ago at quarter to 10. Long day. School started today, my very last class I need to finish my Bachelors in Accounting. School has been my downfall and my excuse for a lot of my weight issues for a long time. If you know me, you know Ive been going to college forever! But when you work full time, taking classes at night can be tough. And if you really know me, you know I dont do late night. Im an early to bed kind of girl. Usually in bed between 9-10. And yes, sometimes before that. And yes, sometimes before the sun has set. So working 7-4, then sitting in class from 6-10 is really rough on me.I developed a terrible habit of eating crap before class, then stopping for that amazing 4th meal on the way home too. There is nothing better for your health then stuffing you face at 11pm and going straight to bed with all that sitting in your stomach. Going to bed late leads me to be tired the next day, too lazy to cook/exercise, the cycle goes on. But it has to be different this time. And thank the dear sweet lord that this is my last and final class. I only have to get through 9 more weeks.
How did I do tonight you ask? I came prepared, or so I thought. I brought a healthy dinner with me to work, ate it before class. As soon as I got to that classroom I felt like I was starving! My mind just knows "Ohh act hungry and we will get crap, yeah! party!" Luckily class seemed to go fast and I made it through. I told myself I would go straight home, eat a piece of string cheese, take a shower, blog, then bed. And that my friends is exactly what I did. I realize that its day 3, and it wont always be that easy, but I really hope it is!
I did exercise today if you're wondering. 60 minutes on the treadmill at a 6 incline. Its a given that I will be tired tomorrow, and it will be my work out with Brent, but Ill make it. Why? Because were committed! Yeah! Who's up past their bedtime and getting nutty? Me!
How did I do tonight you ask? I came prepared, or so I thought. I brought a healthy dinner with me to work, ate it before class. As soon as I got to that classroom I felt like I was starving! My mind just knows "Ohh act hungry and we will get crap, yeah! party!" Luckily class seemed to go fast and I made it through. I told myself I would go straight home, eat a piece of string cheese, take a shower, blog, then bed. And that my friends is exactly what I did. I realize that its day 3, and it wont always be that easy, but I really hope it is!
I did exercise today if you're wondering. 60 minutes on the treadmill at a 6 incline. Its a given that I will be tired tomorrow, and it will be my work out with Brent, but Ill make it. Why? Because were committed! Yeah! Who's up past their bedtime and getting nutty? Me!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Day Two - Committed
Tuesdays and Thursdays are my workouts with Brent. They are tough! We do about an hour of circuit training, with all kinds of fun stuff you would never ever do unless someone was standing over you making you. Today was an extra tough one, he turned up the intensity level a notch. There was some swearing, some crying out for Jesus to save me, and lots of sweat. I made it through, just like I always do. I decided today that I am committed to this. I mean, of course I am, I agreed to this whole deal. But Im really committed, through thick and thin. I will show up every single day, and I will get my sweat on every single day. No matter what.
Now, Im sure the day will come when I will look at your crazy if you need to remind me of this post, but I will show up. I commit to you, I commit to me, I commit to Brent.
I will show up.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Day One - The Quivering Lip
It's Day One, and it isn't. Day One of this new challenge, but I have been prepping for this, I'm ready and I'm going to just continue doing what I have been for the last few weeks.
I popped up wide awake at 5AM ready to get the day started, I would regret that later.
MY plan for the day was 40 minutes on the treadmill during my lunch break and 60 minutes of Jazzercise after work. 100 minutes of cardio, a nice solid number. Brent had other ideas, he wanted 60 minutes on the treadmill, making my cardio 120 for the day. Here is where that popping up at 5AM was a bad idea. I was tired on the treadmill, the extra 20 minutes more than enough to put me over the edge. I'm sensitive when I'm tired, it makes me extra emotional. I start to think about how much I want to get off the treadmill, but how much I cant. I feel the tears start to boil from way down below, my lip starts to quiver. But wait, I'm in a room full of people, suck it up! Instead I think about why I want to cry. I cry because I'm tired, because I hurt, because I want to be done. I cry because I am so far from done on this journey, its barely began. I cry because I made this journey so long. I cry because I'm sticky and gross at this point, sweat pouring down my face and chest for the tears I will not let go in this gym. I cry for the exhaustion, I cry for the pain. I cry for the years that made me this way, I cry for the years it will take to fix it. And I do all this without crying, with just the unnoticeable quiver of my lip. I'm in a room full of people, I just keep going. Every day I carry these thoughts, everyday I want to cry and everyday I just keep going.
It ended up being a really good workout, I made it to the end and I was proud. I always feel so good afterwards, I try to remember that. After work I headed to Jazzercise, by this point I'm beyond tired and it shows. I was all over the place and slow moving. But I kept moving for the whole hour, even if I was making my own dances at some point.
Finally home to shower and eat dinner. I think I will sleep really good tonight, I already feel better knowing it is just a one workout day tomorrow.
I popped up wide awake at 5AM ready to get the day started, I would regret that later.
MY plan for the day was 40 minutes on the treadmill during my lunch break and 60 minutes of Jazzercise after work. 100 minutes of cardio, a nice solid number. Brent had other ideas, he wanted 60 minutes on the treadmill, making my cardio 120 for the day. Here is where that popping up at 5AM was a bad idea. I was tired on the treadmill, the extra 20 minutes more than enough to put me over the edge. I'm sensitive when I'm tired, it makes me extra emotional. I start to think about how much I want to get off the treadmill, but how much I cant. I feel the tears start to boil from way down below, my lip starts to quiver. But wait, I'm in a room full of people, suck it up! Instead I think about why I want to cry. I cry because I'm tired, because I hurt, because I want to be done. I cry because I am so far from done on this journey, its barely began. I cry because I made this journey so long. I cry because I'm sticky and gross at this point, sweat pouring down my face and chest for the tears I will not let go in this gym. I cry for the exhaustion, I cry for the pain. I cry for the years that made me this way, I cry for the years it will take to fix it. And I do all this without crying, with just the unnoticeable quiver of my lip. I'm in a room full of people, I just keep going. Every day I carry these thoughts, everyday I want to cry and everyday I just keep going.
It ended up being a really good workout, I made it to the end and I was proud. I always feel so good afterwards, I try to remember that. After work I headed to Jazzercise, by this point I'm beyond tired and it shows. I was all over the place and slow moving. But I kept moving for the whole hour, even if I was making my own dances at some point.
Finally home to shower and eat dinner. I think I will sleep really good tonight, I already feel better knowing it is just a one workout day tomorrow.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
This is it
Tomorrow is the big day! I will officially start my journey to lose half my weight in one year. Think I came up with this idea all on my own? Think again. This happens to be the great thinking of my personal trainer.
I started working out with Brent about 2 years ago. I went to the class twice a week, and that is pretty much it. Never followed the eating plan, never did additional exercise. Needless to say, I did not get any significant results. Here I am, a few years later, 50 lbs heavier. Brent continued to invite me to join the classes again. He asked me, asked my friends, asked my mom, anyone he could get to listen, he would ask them to get me back into the fitness game. He sees the real me, he sees whats going on. I'm a walking, talking, heart attack waiting to happen. At 30 years old, I am 5'5 and 365 lbs. Its now or never. Its time to change my life, or die.
On one of Brent's latest attempts to get me to join again, he had a friend of mine ask me again if I would come back. I told her to tell him I will come if I can come for free. He was NOT supposed to say yes. What kind of personal trainer does it for free! This one does, this one really cares. The deal was I could come for free as long as I came every single day, did not gain weight, and followed what he said. I've been doing that for a month now. And now comes the master plan.
Brent is rather confident that I can get down to 185 within a years time. His excitement makes me believe I can do it too. This is not going to be fun, that's for sure. But I have to get it done. His first goal for me is to lose 85 lbs over the next 16 weeks. If I don't make it, party over, his services will no longer be free.
I plan to post here daily, about how my day went, what I did, what I ate perhaps.
I'm about to exit my comfort zone, and let life take over.
I started working out with Brent about 2 years ago. I went to the class twice a week, and that is pretty much it. Never followed the eating plan, never did additional exercise. Needless to say, I did not get any significant results. Here I am, a few years later, 50 lbs heavier. Brent continued to invite me to join the classes again. He asked me, asked my friends, asked my mom, anyone he could get to listen, he would ask them to get me back into the fitness game. He sees the real me, he sees whats going on. I'm a walking, talking, heart attack waiting to happen. At 30 years old, I am 5'5 and 365 lbs. Its now or never. Its time to change my life, or die.
On one of Brent's latest attempts to get me to join again, he had a friend of mine ask me again if I would come back. I told her to tell him I will come if I can come for free. He was NOT supposed to say yes. What kind of personal trainer does it for free! This one does, this one really cares. The deal was I could come for free as long as I came every single day, did not gain weight, and followed what he said. I've been doing that for a month now. And now comes the master plan.
Brent is rather confident that I can get down to 185 within a years time. His excitement makes me believe I can do it too. This is not going to be fun, that's for sure. But I have to get it done. His first goal for me is to lose 85 lbs over the next 16 weeks. If I don't make it, party over, his services will no longer be free.
I plan to post here daily, about how my day went, what I did, what I ate perhaps.
I'm about to exit my comfort zone, and let life take over.
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