Where have I been? I don't know. Wandering around in a strange strange place.
My intention was to come here and post the new plans Brent gave me last week. But obviously, I never did. I havent been able to get my mind back where it needs to be. Ive just been floating through life the past 2 weeks, doing nothing, eating crap, existing. Not living.
It blew up in my face yesterday when Brent found me eating something I wasnt supposed to be. After he spent his own time putting together a new workout schedule and menu plan. He wasn't very pleased. He was pretty angry. A lot more angry then he let me know. I had to find out from other people that he was on the rampage last night. Luckily he cooled down, and was nice to me this morning. He asked if I want to do this or not, and of course I do. But then why am I not doing the things Im supposed to be doing? I dont know. If I did, I wouldn't weight 357 lbs.
I dont know why I eat crap. I dont know why I am a lazy piece of shit who lays around for days on end. I dont know.
Brent has been nothing but good to me all this time. Investing his own time and money to help me. To save me. The things I need to do are really pretty simple on paper. Getting my brain to cooperate is something different.
If I want to do this, I have to start doing this. All the way. 100 percent. For the most part, I do that. But there are a lot of times when I don't. A cookie here, extra snack there. It adds up apparently.
I was pretty sad this morning. My feelings are hurt that his feelings are hurt.
I called today Day 1, because that is what I'm making it. A new beginning in time. Yesterday does not matter. I need to make the most of today.