Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Day 1

Where have I been? I don't know. Wandering around in a strange strange place.

My intention was to come here and post the new plans Brent gave me last week. But obviously, I never did. I havent been able to get my mind back where it needs to be. Ive just been floating through life the past 2 weeks, doing nothing, eating crap, existing. Not living.

It blew up in my face yesterday when Brent found me eating something I wasnt supposed to be. After he spent his own time putting together a new workout schedule and menu plan. He wasn't very pleased. He was pretty angry. A lot more angry then he let me know. I had to find out from other people that he was on the rampage last night. Luckily he cooled down, and was nice to me this morning. He asked if I want to do this or not, and of course I do. But then why am I not doing the things Im supposed to be doing? I dont know. If I did, I wouldn't weight 357 lbs.

I dont know why I eat crap. I dont know why I am a lazy piece of shit who lays around for days on end. I dont know.

Brent has been nothing but good to me all this time. Investing his own time and money to help me. To save me. The things I need to do are really pretty simple on paper. Getting my brain to cooperate is something different.

If I want to do this, I have to start doing this. All the way. 100 percent. For the most part, I do that. But there are a lot of times when I don't. A cookie here, extra snack there. It adds up apparently.

I was pretty sad this morning. My feelings are hurt that his feelings are hurt.

I called today Day 1, because that is what I'm making it. A new beginning in time. Yesterday does not matter. I need to make the most of today.


  1. I know you are going to find that drive again. You have an amazing trainer behind you. And some fabulous friends (especially me). I hope that the new plan is more your speed and that you get great results from it.

  2. Katie,
    This must be the year our family has decided to get healthy! Let me share what is going on here and even with our cousins in Finland:)
    Chuck and I went to a holistic doctor a month ago. Dave, Nancy, and mom have seeing one for years. Lots to tell you about their amazing results, but I'll share mine with you here. Mine are similar to nancy's. I have an allergen to wheat and soy. Needless to say, in the month that I've removed these 2 items from my diet I've naturally lost 13#, but more importantly I feel like a million dollars. Tom also saw a different holistic dr and he's lost 45# since May! He too has an allergen to wheat. Laura has lost 15# by following a life style change called the cinch diet. Tom and Laura are incorporating different levels of exercise. I have to be cautious of what I do because of other health issues. Our cousin in Finland has removed red meat from her diet recently. She is on a life style change to be healthier too.
    Tom was here at the cabin off and on for 5 weeks. The only thing in our fridge are veggies, raw nuts, chicken, and specific dressings. We have eggs and Greek yogurt that's high in protein and low in sugar that is mixed with organic berries.
    I know this journey is bumpy, but I can tell from your voice you want this. Maybe you need to find out if you have allergens like the rest of your cousins:) this may be the cause of your cravings. Its worth a shot.

  3. First of all, don't ever call yourself a lazy piece of shit again. A lazy piece of shit does not exercise for 3 hours a day at 80%+ of her max heart rate while weighing 350 lbs. You are not and never could be a 'lazy piece of shit' regardless of how much you weigh or how many times you fall off the plan. You get back on! The person I know is sarcastic, funny, brutally honest with herself and others, and is driven and hardworking. Who continued to go to college while working full-time until she earned her degree? It wasn't a lazy POS.
    So you still have a lot to figure out about this weight loss journey? So do a lot of people. The thing is, I am positive you will figure it out. So stop beating yourself up and get back on the plan again and see where it takes you. Brent wants to help you but he has also learned from this adventure that weight loss is not a one-size-fits-all endeavor.
    Didn't mean to rant, but I am not going to let you get away with putting yourself down like that and I won't let anyone else do it either!
    I am blessed to have you as a friend!

  4. way to scratch the past few rough spots and start fresh! you know us real friends are here anytime!