I’ve had enough today. I’m tired, physically and mentally. My body is sore from yesterday’s workout. But the exercise never stops. Had to do the treadmill today again on 7.5 incline. My legs were just not having it, I ended up going a half mile per hour slower than he wanted me to. But I figure it was better to just keep going, even if it was slow then to quit. I really wanted to quit it all today. This is my breaking point. I’m so tired of this, and it’s only the beginning. How am I supposed to make it through just to the end of summer, lets not even think further ahead then that right now! He wants me to add more 2adays to my schedule. I’m working out 9 times a week, what more can I give? I’m so tired. I know I have a bunch of supporters behind me, but really I am alone in this. I’m the one that has to get up and move everyday, I’m the one that has to eat salad every single day. I’m the one that has to think about every single action every single day. I know I said in one of my first posts that I got myself here and I have to get myself out, but really….. I need help, and I cant have it. It’s so hard. This is the moment where in any other attempt I have made that I give up. Whatever I do, it’s never enough. I can’t exercise enough, I can’t eat any less, I can’t take anymore. That’s really how I feel right this very moment. And truthfully, nothing bad has happened today. He just wants more exercise. I’m not sure he gets what its like to move around carrying this much weight. No, I’m not sure, I’m positive he doesn’t know. A lot of people don’t know. I wish I could keep a 100 pound vest with and randomly hand it out and say “Here, now do some jumping jacks,” or “Here, go climb 30 flights of stairs.”
Every night when I go to bed my knees are screaming. If I sit too long, I get kinda stuck getting up. I have to just stand there and let my body warm up a bit before I can make it move. My calves hurt, my shins hurt, my ankles hurts, my whole damn leg hurts. My body is reaching its boiling point with all this exercise. This isnt Biggest Loser, the is no one to rub me down and pack me with ice at the end of the day. Im tired, Im cranky, now I have to go to school.... Tomorrow promises to be a ton of fun.