It's Day One, and it isn't. Day One of this new challenge, but I have been prepping for this, I'm ready and I'm going to just continue doing what I have been for the last few weeks.
I popped up wide awake at 5AM ready to get the day started, I would regret that later.
MY plan for the day was 40 minutes on the treadmill during my lunch break and 60 minutes of Jazzercise after work. 100 minutes of cardio, a nice solid number. Brent had other ideas, he wanted 60 minutes on the treadmill, making my cardio 120 for the day. Here is where that popping up at 5AM was a bad idea. I was tired on the treadmill, the extra 20 minutes more than enough to put me over the edge. I'm sensitive when I'm tired, it makes me extra emotional. I start to think about how much I want to get off the treadmill, but how much I cant. I feel the tears start to boil from way down below, my lip starts to quiver. But wait, I'm in a room full of people, suck it up! Instead I think about why I want to cry. I cry because I'm tired, because I hurt, because I want to be done. I cry because I am so far from done on this journey, its barely began. I cry because I made this journey so long. I cry because I'm sticky and gross at this point, sweat pouring down my face and chest for the tears I will not let go in this gym. I cry for the exhaustion, I cry for the pain. I cry for the years that made me this way, I cry for the years it will take to fix it. And I do all this without crying, with just the unnoticeable quiver of my lip. I'm in a room full of people, I just keep going. Every day I carry these thoughts, everyday I want to cry and everyday I just keep going.
It ended up being a really good workout, I made it to the end and I was proud. I always feel so good afterwards, I try to remember that. After work I headed to Jazzercise, by this point I'm beyond tired and it shows. I was all over the place and slow moving. But I kept moving for the whole hour, even if I was making my own dances at some point.
Finally home to shower and eat dinner. I think I will sleep really good tonight, I already feel better knowing it is just a one workout day tomorrow.