Monday, June 13, 2011

Day One - The Quivering Lip

It's Day One, and it isn't. Day One of this new challenge, but I have been prepping for this, I'm ready and I'm going to just continue doing what I have been for the last few weeks.

I popped up wide awake at 5AM ready to get the day started, I would regret that later.
MY plan for the day was 40 minutes on the treadmill during my lunch break and 60 minutes of Jazzercise after work. 100 minutes of cardio, a nice solid number. Brent had other ideas, he wanted 60 minutes on the treadmill, making my cardio 120 for the day. Here is where that popping up at 5AM was a bad idea. I was tired on the treadmill, the extra 20 minutes more than enough to put me over the edge. I'm sensitive when I'm tired, it makes me extra emotional. I start to think about how much I want to get off the treadmill, but how much I cant. I feel the tears start to boil from way down below, my lip starts to quiver. But wait, I'm in a room full of people, suck it up! Instead I think about why I want to cry. I cry because I'm tired, because I hurt, because I want to be done. I cry because I am so far from done on this journey, its barely began. I cry because I made this journey so long. I cry because I'm sticky and gross at this point, sweat pouring down my face and chest for the tears I will not let go in this gym. I cry for the exhaustion, I cry for the pain. I cry for the years that made me this way, I cry for the years it will take to fix it. And I do all this without crying, with just the unnoticeable quiver of my lip. I'm in a room full of people, I just keep going. Every day I carry these thoughts, everyday I want to cry and everyday I just keep going.

It ended up being a really good workout, I made it to the end and I was proud. I always feel so good afterwards, I try to remember that. After work I headed to Jazzercise, by this point I'm beyond tired and it shows. I was all over the place and slow moving. But I kept moving for the whole hour, even if I was making my own dances at some point.
Finally home to shower and eat dinner. I think I will sleep really good tonight, I already feel better knowing it is just a one workout day tomorrow.


  1. I'm so glad you made it through your difficult day and still remained active. I'll let an excuse derail me way too often and too quickly. You inspire me.

  2. So very proud of you!!! Keep it up girl!

  3. One word describes this, and you. Amazing. Proud of you.

  4. I loved this. I've been there, on a run that just slaughtered me and all I can think about is the pain in my knee but I will keep going, and I won't cry until I'm in the shower and I can pretend tears aren't rolling down my face. And I'll wake up tomorrow and run it again.