Day Thirty One - Scale

I’ve been missing. Did you notice? Did you think I fell off? Kinda

At the beginning of my vacation I had a goal to lose 13 lbs in 10 days. I did all that amazing cardio, burning like I have never burned before, killing poor Rhonda, eating tuna instead of pasta. All kinds of great rewarding things. On Friday I was down 9 lbs. I was so ready to show up on Saturday and say Look! Look what I did. But the scale went up a pound instead. I was ok with that, I carried on. Went to jazzercise, ate really good, continued the same schedule. Sunday comes, I’m up another pound. Now Im mad. Why is it the harder I work the less I seem to lose? Is there such thing as too much cardio? Eating too much? Not eating enough? Drinking enough water? SO many things come into play in this little game we call weight loss.
Needless to say, I was kind of depressed. I decided on some ice cream. Cried on the way to get said ice cream knowing I shouldn’t be doing this, but still got ice cream. Monday I was still at the same weight, haven’t been on the scale since.

I talked to Brent on Monday, told him all my great exercise accomplishments, he liked. Then I told him the weight situation, he could clearly see my frustration and disappointment. I want to meet his goals so bad, I think I fear that he would be mad at me if I don’t, but he is not. I just want people to be proud. I put these big goals and dreams out there and I can’t even deliver. It breaks my heart. I want to do this because I want to be healthy obviously, but I really want to follow through on my promise more than anything. I like when people say Good Job, I like when people notice my hard work. If I can’t lose 15 damn pounds, how can anyone be proud? Not everyone seems me busting ass in the gym, so if you can’t see my effort coming through on my body, what have I really accomplished?
He said I have achieved more in this 1 month then I have in the last year. And this is true. Probably the last 5 years. We are going to sit down next week and go over exactly what Im doing and try to figure this thing out. I finished sulking, and I moved on.

It is just such a mind game. I crave the motivation of the scale, seeing it go down every day gives me the drive to keep going. But one bad day, which wasn’t even a bad day, sets me off for string of bad days. I was thinking if I had never weighed myself through out the week until Monday, I still lost a decent amount of weight. It wasn’t my goal, but I still lost.
I think I need to hide the scale, weigh just once a week, maaayybbeee two if Im feeling spry.

This week started a new set of classes with Brent, I’m at least in for the next 12 weeks for free. Then we will see what happens. Monday was ok, Tuesday he made me do the treadmill on a 9 incline for 40 minutes, yuck. Today was pushing my comfort zone. Two minutes on the treadmill at a 7.5 incline, 2 minutes squats, 2 minutes treadmill, 2 minutes chest press, 2 minutes get ups (laying down on the floor and coming to standing, laying back down, repeat), two minutes on the treadmill. All that times 3. The last treadmill run I was pretty sure I was going to puke, but I survived. I always do.